When making lists and planning is an exercise in ‘I am enough”
An Honest Monday post on Tuesday.
If you are a teacher or have children you know the joys of summer break. It’s an interesting time of year. Filled with anticipation and high expectations of having much fun. Splashing at the pool, picnics at favorite local spots with friends, camping by the river, amusement parks and zoo trips, sleeping in and staying up late…
Oh, how I love summer. I love the lack of schedule and the spontaneous days of fun. But, it doesn’t do much for my productivity.
My work projects pile high, the emails linger in my inbox, my books gather dust and my creativity suffers.
RIght about now, with just a couple of weeks to go, I can sense a restlessness rising within me.
I begin to do what I always do,
I compare myself. There’s no particular person I need to measure up against, because I have always been my worst critic, my worst enemy in that way.
Lately I have been the only person who said to myself “You should have tried harder. You should have not wasted your time. You are missing out. Did you really think this was going to work?
You are too _______ (insert accusation)”
I wonder how many women are suffering quietly under the voice of accusation that often adopts their own tone and sounds just like them?
Have you ever found yourself in a quiet place and heard nothing but the sound of your own voice taring you to bits?
Recently I asked a group of executives if they felt that they had done the best job they could on a particular project. The room was about split 50-50 male-female ratio and to my surprise the women had much to say about how they could have done so much better.
It struck me, of course!!! because I DO THE SAME THING.
Have you been taught that you should never be self-satisfied, that to be content means you are lazy? Perhaps this stems from growing up in harsh economic conditions where my family worked day and night, in 3 shifts, and also kept the farm running so that we, myself included, could have a better future.
I can hear my mother’s voice, or is it me and I am finally becoming her? —
“What are you doing with the opportunities given to you???”
I am enjoying this summer. I am reveling in my children, I try to appreciate that my teenager can sleep into the late morning hours and wake up wanting to sit close to me, that my youngest is up early to snuggle and read together. We have camped and played and watched movies and planted tomatoes and done so little while doing so much, and we fought and made up again.
The piles have built and now I can make lists to try and tackle the mountain again.
But if I was asked if I could have done better I would only say:
Yes, I could have not listened to the rolling accusation of ‘not good enough’.
So, for the remainder of the summer — I am going to ENJOY and make lists and work patiently at crossing some things off, as in between summer fun permits.
May you also know that you are enough.